“Should These Actions Be Accepted?”: Judge 13 Dating Scenarios With Red, Green, And Beige Flags

How would you assess this behavior?

On your second date, your date pulls out a detailed plan for the day. They have taken everything they learned about you on the first date and used it to create a full-day list of activities for the two of you. They ask if you like the pre-planned activities and explain that they have backups ready to match your hobbies and interests, in case you want to switch something out.

Which flag would you attach to this type of behavior?

Within the first hour of meeting, your date calmly states their absolute non-negotiables for a relationship, such as "I need at least some alone time on weekends" and "No hanging out with exes." They state these boundaries politely but firmly, then smile and ask if you have any dealbreakers, to get them out of the way.

What do you think of these actions?

After a few fun hangouts, your date adds you to a group chat with three of their closest childhood friends. They explain that their friend group is incredibly tight-knit, always does things together, and they want you to feel included right away so you can get to know the "inner circle." The friends seem accepting, but you haven’t even met them in person yet.

What color flag are you feeling like here?

Your date states they love spending time with you but mentions they go on solo outings or even entire solo vacations at least twice a year to recharge and get more in touch with themselves. They emphasize that even in a serious relationship, they would like to maintain these solo days, but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t want to also go on trips with you.

How would you assess this behavior?

By the fourth date, you notice your date keeps many different little things from your time together, like bottle caps from drinks you had together, coffee shop receipts, museum tickets, and more. When you ask them about it, they tell you about the scrapbook they keep and fill with memories for when you two grow old together.

Which flag would you attach to this type of behavior?

While hanging out in the park, you notice your date is great around kids. They held a few short conversations, made some children laugh, helped retrieve a ball stuck in a tree, and kept cool when a boy accidentally dropped chocolate ice cream on their white sneakers. Despite all this, when you ask them about it, they tell you that they’ve never had kids and that there are no little children in their immediate family either.

What do you think of these actions?

Over the course of several weeks, you notice that your date’s mood is kind of unpredictable. They could seem like the most positive and jolly person one day, and then very grumpy the next. They never act disrespectful or mean towards you or others, but it almost feels like hanging out with different people every other night. Other than that, your time with them is pleasant, and they never let their mood ruin the dates.

What color flag are you feeling here?

On your third meeting, your date brings you a thoughtful gift based on a minor detail you casually mentioned on your first date. It’s a book by a niche author that you love and your favorite childhood candy bar. They are thrilled to give it to you, but it feels like a big gesture on a casual date with no special occasion.

How would you assess this behavior?

Your date loves to playfully challenge your opinions on minor, subjective topics. They are smiling, witty, and deeply engaged in the back-and-forth, but they never just agree to disagree. It doesn’t feel high-stakes or like a serious argument, just a way to make conversation, but you start to get the feeling that every time you bring up something you like, it will get challenged, even something as simple as a pizza topping choice.

Which flag would you attach to this type of behavior?

Your date uses an app to track their daily habits and optimize their routine. They meal-prep and keep highly detailed schedules for at least a week in advance, with almost no downtime for unplanned activities. They focus on efficient use of their time and respect yours too, which makes them incredibly reliable and punctual, but the lack of spontaneity feels almost clinical at times.

What do you think of these actions?

While walking through a crowded museum or sitting in a quiet cafe, your date speaks in a clear and loud voice about their opinions on some controversial topics. They explain why modern art is a scam, and how pet owners are too careless outside. They aren't angry or trying to start a fight with anyone, but they are completely unbothered by the fact that everyone within a 20-foot radius can hear their hot takes. It makes you uncomfortable, even though you agree with a lot of what they have to say.

What color flag are you feeling like here?

When you visit your date’s place for the first time, you can’t help but notice it is heavily decorated with items from their childhood and teenage years. They have framed posters of classic cartoons and their favorite bands, a massive collection of stuffed animals, and a trophy collection from middle school. They speak very fondly of their youth.

How would you assess this behavior?

Your date treats their rescue dog like an equal human roommate. During dinner, every time the dog whines, barks, or sighs, your date pauses the conversation to translate the dog's thoughts. They expect you to acknowledge and respond to what the dog "said."